Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

I was sitting here reflecting on our past and remembering how hard it was for me to attend baby showers, to even look at a pregnant women, to hold someone else's newborn baby, and to hear the news "I am pregnant" by friends and family!  But I also think about some of those events that stole my joy!  It sucked the life out of me and left me angry many times.  I knew that it wasn't our time to become parents and I knew deep down that God had something better for our little family.  But that didn't take away the pain that was felt and the tears that were shed.  I was happy for them, but I was hurt for me.

I now know that His plan has been and will be more than I could ever imagine.  I was led through the journey of infertility for a reason.  I am being led through the journey of adoption for a reason.  And I have, and I am currently embracing the experience more and more every day.  God wants us to live full and abundant lives.  John 10:10 says, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  God has given me so much more than I could ever deserve or earn.  God has a plan for my life and I want to live it abundantly!  I  have learned to have joy in the darkness and in the light.  Why not?!  His plans are far better than I could ever plan or imagine.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." Ephesians 3:20

I found a poem that I love and would like to share with you.  I want to explain that I believe our infertility experience will make me a better mother than I would have been otherwise.  I am not saying that I will be a better mother than any of you.  I believe that God gives us all a different experience and He will always use it for His glory.  I believe that if it was given to me without effort I would have over looked important things in life that can never be replaced.  I plan to use my time that God has given me wisely.  I want to raise our child so that it is pleasing to God.  So please don't get mad at this post!!  I hope you will all understand where I am coming from.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
 

There are women who become mothers without effort,
 

without thought,
 

without patience or loss,
 

and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
 

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
 

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
 

I have longed and waited.
 

I have cried and prayed.
 

I have endured and planned over and over again.
 

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
 

I will notice everything about my child.
 

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
 

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
 

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him/her and that I am not waking to cry tears of a broken dream.
 

My dream will be crying for me.
 

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
 

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
 

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
 

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
 

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.  I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall!
 

I have prevailed.
 

I have succeeded.
 

I have won.
 

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
 

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
 

I listen.
 

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
 

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
 

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.  I have learned to appreciate life.
 

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
 

-Author Unknown
 

While I wait patiently to become a mother, I will embrace this journey with an open heart and an open mind for whatever God has in store for our little family.  I am thankful that God chose this journey for us.  I am thankful for the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between.  I am confident in knowing that His plan is greater than my plans.
 

Praying for Our Happily Ever After...