For a
long time I believed the lie that I must be worthy to become a mother. I believed that God was withholding this gift
from me because I wasn’t good enough to raise a child. I thought he wanted me to learn more on how
to become a parent before blessing me with that gift. OR… maybe God thought I would make a mess of
it. Well, the truth is I probably would
make a mess of parenting, and probably will.
What I do know is that it is not me, it is Him.
I am
NOT worthy! You are NOT worthy! Without Him, I am nothing…Without Him, you
are nothing!
I
have learned that I do not have to be worthy! And I am extremely thankful for
that. Just like my salvation. I am neither worthy nor good enough to go to
heaven. Without God I am unable to truly
live. But I am saved by grace! And grace is a freely given, unmerited favor
and love of God.
For
all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
But
God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died
for us. Romans 5:8
Wherefore,
as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed
upon all men, for that all have sinned. Romans 5:12
For
the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus
Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23
For
by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift
of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ
Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in
them. Ephesians 2:8-10
What
I have found is that He chooses messy, broken people to do extraordinary,
God-glorifying things. He chose David an
adulterer to lead His holy nation. He chose Paul an accomplice to murder to
spread the gospel. God uses people that
we would toss to the side. We would try
to find the perfect person among us to complete such large tasks. But not God!
He chooses sinners instead.
I am
not worthy of my God-sized dream to become a mother. A God-sized dream isn’t something we are
qualified for…it is something we are called to in spite of ourselves. God wants to use us even when we fall
short.
Michael
and I are still waiting for our God-sized dream of becoming parents to come
true. But we are thankful that we do not
have to be worthy to become Godly parents.
I breathe in forgiveness, mercies that are new every morning, and press
on to my God-sized dream of becoming a mother.
I don’t know how today will go.
Some days are a struggle. Some
days are easy. But I do know where I can
always go when I need grace.
I
humble myself before the Lord. I know
that I am a mess. But I believe that God
can still use me anyway. No matter how
many times I make mistakes or how many times I fall down. I will get back up and serve Him forever. I never want Him to stop using me! I am extremely thankful that His mercies are
new every morning and that He will keep making me more like Him until the day
that I am with Him forever.
