Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

I was sitting here reflecting on our past and remembering how hard it was for me to attend baby showers, to even look at a pregnant women, to hold someone else's newborn baby, and to hear the news "I am pregnant" by friends and family!  But I also think about some of those events that stole my joy!  It sucked the life out of me and left me angry many times.  I knew that it wasn't our time to become parents and I knew deep down that God had something better for our little family.  But that didn't take away the pain that was felt and the tears that were shed.  I was happy for them, but I was hurt for me.

I now know that His plan has been and will be more than I could ever imagine.  I was led through the journey of infertility for a reason.  I am being led through the journey of adoption for a reason.  And I have, and I am currently embracing the experience more and more every day.  God wants us to live full and abundant lives.  John 10:10 says, "I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  God has given me so much more than I could ever deserve or earn.  God has a plan for my life and I want to live it abundantly!  I  have learned to have joy in the darkness and in the light.  Why not?!  His plans are far better than I could ever plan or imagine.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us." Ephesians 3:20

I found a poem that I love and would like to share with you.  I want to explain that I believe our infertility experience will make me a better mother than I would have been otherwise.  I am not saying that I will be a better mother than any of you.  I believe that God gives us all a different experience and He will always use it for His glory.  I believe that if it was given to me without effort I would have over looked important things in life that can never be replaced.  I plan to use my time that God has given me wisely.  I want to raise our child so that it is pleasing to God.  So please don't get mad at this post!!  I hope you will all understand where I am coming from.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
 

There are women who become mothers without effort,
 

without thought,
 

without patience or loss,
 

and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
 

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
 

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
 

I have longed and waited.
 

I have cried and prayed.
 

I have endured and planned over and over again.
 

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
 

I will notice everything about my child.
 

I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
 

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
 

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him/her and that I am not waking to cry tears of a broken dream.
 

My dream will be crying for me.
 

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
 

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
 

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
 

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
 

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body.  I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall!
 

I have prevailed.
 

I have succeeded.
 

I have won.
 

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
 

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
 

I listen.
 

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
 

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
 

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.  I have learned to appreciate life.
 

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
 

-Author Unknown
 

While I wait patiently to become a mother, I will embrace this journey with an open heart and an open mind for whatever God has in store for our little family.  I am thankful that God chose this journey for us.  I am thankful for the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between.  I am confident in knowing that His plan is greater than my plans.
 

Praying for Our Happily Ever After... 

Baby Shook's Room in Progress

We don’t know when we might get “The Call” to go pick up our sweet baby…or to meet his or her birthparent(s).  We are very excited for that call to come! But we want to be ready as much as possible.  One way we decided to make sure we were ready is by preparing sweet Baby Shook’s room.  After all we are “EXPECTING”.  Baby Shook’s room is not complete, but it will be soon.  We are still in search of a rug for the room…so I am open to any suggestions. 

I found the bedding on pinterest…I love pinterest!  A friend of the family, which is more like family, handmade the bedding and added a cute touch to the curtains to match!  I absolutely love it!  Thank you Barbara!  She is going to make a few pillows to match and a few finishing touches on the bumper pad, but I still had to share.  I hope you like it as much as we do…    

 

 

We are all so very anxious for “The Call”, but we know that it is in God’s timing.  Until then, we pray for patience during our wait.

Praying for Our Happily Ever After…

Approved!

It has been a whirlwind of emotions this past week.  Tuesday April 9, 1997 was the day that my daddy past away.  It has been 16 years since that tragic accident.  Some days it feels like only yesterday and other days it feels like forever.  I miss him so much, but I am happy to know that one day we will be reunited in heaven.  I am so thankful for that assurance.

It is amazing how God will give me little things to get through that day each year.  This year He knew exactly what He was doing!  God has perfect timing, even when we don’t think so.  I am thankful God is always on time!  

Tuesday April 9, 2013 was the day that our home study was approved by Bethany Christian Services and the day I got my braces off.  Yes, we are officially approved for adoption.  Michael and I are in the waiting phase of our adoption process.  This wait could be short (a few months) or long (a few years), but either way we are closer than we were when we first started our journey.  We hope that you will continue to pray for us during this journey.  Please remember to pray for our patience as we wait, pray for our baby’s health, and pray for the beautiful person carrying our sweet baby as she travels this difficult journey.

Michael and I plan to use our time wisely while we anxiously wait for Baby Shook.  We plan to take lots of time for each other and just enjoy being together.  We want to treasure each moment that God gives us on this journey of waiting.  Although we are anxious to meet that sweet baby and hold him or her, we do not want to rush His timing.

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time...” Ecclesiastes 3:11