Unworthy

For a long time I believed the lie that I must be worthy to become a mother.  I believed that God was withholding this gift from me because I wasn’t good enough to raise a child.  I thought he wanted me to learn more on how to become a parent before blessing me with that gift.  OR… maybe God thought I would make a mess of it.  Well, the truth is I probably would make a mess of parenting, and probably will.  What I do know is that it is not me, it is Him.

I am NOT worthy!  You are NOT worthy!  Without Him, I am nothing…Without Him, you are nothing!

I have learned that I do not have to be worthy! And I am extremely thankful for that.  Just like my salvation.  I am neither worthy nor good enough to go to heaven.  Without God I am unable to truly live.  But I am saved by grace!  And grace is a freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned.  Romans 5:12

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Romans 6:23

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.  Ephesians 2:8-10  

What I have found is that He chooses messy, broken people to do extraordinary, God-glorifying things.  He chose David an adulterer to lead His holy nation. He chose Paul an accomplice to murder to spread the gospel.  God uses people that we would toss to the side.  We would try to find the perfect person among us to complete such large tasks.  But not God!  He chooses sinners instead.

I am not worthy of my God-sized dream to become a mother.  A God-sized dream isn’t something we are qualified for…it is something we are called to in spite of ourselves.  God wants to use us even when we fall short. 

Michael and I are still waiting for our God-sized dream of becoming parents to come true.  But we are thankful that we do not have to be worthy to become Godly parents.  I breathe in forgiveness, mercies that are new every morning, and press on to my God-sized dream of becoming a mother.  I don’t know how today will go.  Some days are a struggle.  Some days are easy.  But I do know where I can always go when I need grace. 

I humble myself before the Lord.  I know that I am a mess.  But I believe that God can still use me anyway.  No matter how many times I make mistakes or how many times I fall down.  I will get back up and serve Him forever.  I never want Him to stop using me!  I am extremely thankful that His mercies are new every morning and that He will keep making me more like Him until the day that I am with Him forever.